This week, Mandy Allwood - the original 'Octomum' - will mark 17 years since her octuplets passed away in her arms.
In September 1996, she gave birth to six boys and two girls - just 24 weeks into her pregnancy.
Within hours of being born, each had died.
The years that followed have seen Mrs Allwood descend into depression, suicide attempts and alcohol addiction.
Mandy Allwood who was the first 'Octomum' but
sadly lost all of her eight babies talks about her painful life after
losing her children
Now, as she marks the
week her children Kypros, Adam, Martyn, Cassius, Nelson, Donald, Kitali
and Layne would have celebrated their 17th birthday, Mrs Allwood has
said she still relives the death of each of her children, who were born -
and died - over the course of three days.
In
an interview with the Sunday People, Mrs Allwood said she has tried to
kill herself twice, and still battles an alcohol addiction, and speaks
out against the accusations she 'cashed in' on the tragedy.
She said: 'Over three days and nights I miscarried eight times.
'I cradled each of them for two-and-a-half hours as they died in my arms. It was horrible. Truly horrible.'
She
said she prayed to God when she felt the last of her children being
born that at least one of them would live, only for her eighth child to
die too.
The children are all buried in West Norwood Cemetery, South London.
She said her grief was worsened by the media attention her pregnancy attracted.
In September 1996, Mrs Allwood gave birth to six
boys and two girls - just 24 weeks into her pregnancy. Within hours of
being born, each had died
The years that followed have seen Mrs Allwood descend into depression, suicide attempts and alcohol addiction
Her
story was featured in newspapers around the world, on the Oprah Winfrey
show, and she even had a personal message of support from Princess
Diana.
But, she said, despite going on to have three daughters, she was still unable to recover from her devastating loss.
She
told the paper she was at her lowest ebb in 2008, when she would drink
wine from the minute she woke up, even ordering a taxi to taker to buy
more up to four more bottles after she lost her driving licence,
She
said she was even given an Asbo after she repeatedly played Sinead
O’Connor’s Nothing Compares to You on full volume, 'deafening' her
neighbours.
Then followed two suicide attempts.
The
first, in a public toilet in Warwick, saw her swallow 90 paracetamol
tablets, washed down with two bottles of white wine, and resulted in her
spending five days in a high-dependency unit.
She claims there was little help offered to her in the days that followed.
Following the death of her children, her story
was featured in newspapers around the world, on the Oprah Winfrey show,
and she even had a personal message of support from Princess Diana
The eight white coffins of the babies were topped by pink posies for the two girls and blue for the six boys
Mrs Allwood said the second attempt made her realise she needed to completely change her life and start again with new friends.
She the spent five months in a residential rehab centre in Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, in 2009.
Before
the tragedy Mrs Allwood had a son Charlie from her failed marriage. But
after longing for children with new partner Paul Hudson and suffering
repeated miscarriages she took fertility drugs.
Claims were made at
the time that Mrs Allwood went against medical advice by having the
fertility treatment in the first place; and that afterwards she cashed
in on the tragedy.
Mrs
Allwood, who went on to have three daughters, has rejected these
accusations and has said she wants to help others who have experienced
the horror of a miscarriage. She said she was 'angry' that some people
judged her for her decision not to abort any of the eight foetuses to
give the rest a chance of survival.
She
admits that she still has 'depression days' where she can't speak to
anyone, and still takes the 'odd sleeping tablet' but that she draws
strength from helping a 'small circle of friends' who also suffer with
depression.
She said losing
all of her babies had been 'absolutely horrible', and added: 'But if I
can help others that’s at least something.'
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